So life has been bumpy and rough off late. i'm super choked up with all the shitty things in life so far. but then again, i count my blessings and take comfort in the things i have in life. For once, thank god for awesome family and supportive friends. The last thing i ever want is to be all alone and walk this path i've chosen.
i guess this is a little ridiculous but, thinking back, when i was trying to get over Melvin, i worked myself crazy to make myself so tired and not think abt anything at all. Man was it hard. No breakup is every pretty or happy. I remember spending days questioning so much and crying myself to sleep. And i think i do remember making myself a resolution that i'd never want to cry myself to again. ever. That's probably the most pathetic thing to do.
Well of course, resolutions are hard to stand by. Every now and then, that still happens. I can't say i'm awesome at getting over breakups or moving on so quickly. i suck at it. i think too much, reminisce too much and give too much. Sometimes i'm amazed at my own patience and tolerance. But in any case, now that i look back, there were 2 songs that stuck with me so much when i tried to move on. Ironically, both those songs were released once the break up set in. I know it's a super silly and teenager thing to put in song lyrics on blogs now but since i don't know if anyone still do surf and read this blog, i guess it doesn't really matter much. does it?
I still... by Backstreet boys:
Who are you now?
Are you still the same
Or did you change somehow?
What do you do
At this very moment when I think of you?
And when I'm looking back
How we were young and stupid
Do you remember that?
No matter how I fight it
Can't deny it
Just can't let you go
I still need you
I still care about you
Though everything's been said and done
I still feel you
Like I'm right beside you
But still no word from you
Now look at me
Instead of moving on, I refuse to see
That I keep coming back
And I'm stuck in a moment
That wasn't meant to last (to last)
I've tried to fight it
Can't deny it
You don't even know
That I still need you
I still care about you
Though everything's been said and done
I still feel you
Like I'm right beside you
But still no word from you
Ohhhh
Wish I could find you
Just like you found me
Then I would never let you go
(Need you)
(Care about you)
Though everything's been said and done (yeah)
I still feel you (I still feel you)
Like I'm right beside you (like I'm right beside you)
But still no (still no word) word from you
and
Just want you to know by backstreet boys:
Looking at your picture
from when we first met
You gave me a smile that I could never forget
And nothing I could do could protect me from you that night
Wrapped around your finger
Always in my mind
The days they blend 'cause we stayed up all night
Yeah, you and I were everything,
everything to me
I just want you to know
that I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through,
and then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe
that there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say
I would do it all again,
just want you to know
All the doors are closing
I'm trying to move ahead
And deep inside I wish it's me instead
My dreams are empty from the day
The day you slipped away
I just want you to know
that I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through,
and then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe
that there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say
I would do it all again,
just want you to know
That since I lost you,
I lost myself
No, I can't fake it,
there's no one else
I just want you to know
that I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through,
and then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe
that there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say
I would do it all again,
just want you to know
So, i'm really tired. I think i've given up way too many things to come to where i am at now and now that i'm here, there really isn't much turning back. i'm not gonna burn down the forest just for one tree. i'm really really trying so hard to move away. Yes, some nights i still cry in one corner of my room or in the shower. and some days i still try to hold back my tears but i think i really ought to love myself more than anyone else. Only be protecting myself from pain and harm, then am i better at loving someone else.
Labels: bff
Magical pen of thoughts @ 7:25 PM
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haven't blogged for so long!
just to keep this blog alive, everything had been rather rough lately. my work's been insane. the boss has been a major bitch/bastard. like, seriously. i love my kids and students and teaching but honestly, i think some people are totally fucked up. i mean, i am ME for bloody god's sake. why do they keep wanting to change me. and worse, treat me like a student because i was once a student there?
anyway, something sweet happened today!
Mervyn had wanted to change a car for sometime. he was sick of his red mazda 6 and was thinking of a new car. i suggested a bmw although he wanted an audi. and he finally gave in and decided a bmw. next, was the series of the car. he wanted a 5 year old series 5 bmw while i suggested a less than 3 year old bmw 3 series. then he wanted a black metallic color and i wanted a dark blue bmw.
what we wanted in our minds were totally different. and i even brought this up to shane and jeanne and we were all thinking that he might just be asking for the sake of asking. i mean afterall, it's his car. it's boys toys and women have absolutely no say in it.
he promised to bring me for a test drive weekend after weekend but we never got to do it cause i have been feeling really upset over work everyday and he brought me out to get fresh air and picnics in the park. and finally he said we would do the test drive over this weekend.
then for some strange reason, he had been on the phone secretly and msging all the time while we were out this week. and i was beginning to think he was probably msging someone else. and then he kept asking me what time i was free for lunch and finish work today. which i honestly felt it was weird because i finish early today and he said he wanted to finish work early too to take a break from work.
so today, at 12.30pm, he called me to tell me he wanted to go out for lunch and if i were free. i went to the foyer to wait for the same usual red mazda. my students were with me so i had them to look out for me too as we were chatting. and suddenly, a car started honking. i thought it was an insane parent and the guard was gesturing to me. and i refused to look further because i see a dark blue color car instead of a red mazda and said 'nope! not the car i'm waiting for' AND
i see M grinning and waving at me! i was totally stunned! and it took me another 3 mins to stand next to the car and staring at it before i got on and had a major outburst. Apparently, he decided to choose the car i had wanted and suggested, dumped his idea and bought it! he knew my dream car had been a bmw and he also knew i had been in the dumps lately and badly wanted to cheer me up. hence, he had been on the phone secretly with the car agent to arrange the car. Once he had his car, he drove right down to school to surprise me and had me be his first passenger (:
of which, i was so surprised and speechless! and then i just had to whip out my phone and text jeanne and stella and then called mum. i could hardly contain my excitement and JUST had to let them all out. thank goodness for all of the girlfriends and mum or else i would have died in the car due to hyperventilation. haha yes true true, it's not like he bought the car for me but he promised that if i will get to drive his car while he's away.
like...OH MY GOD! 2 years ago when he had his red mazda, it took him 2 years to finally let me drive his car, in the carpark, to gain his trust, before i get the chance to actually finally drive it around singapore when we go out. and now he allows me to drive MY dream car.
and after that, to celebrate his new big ticket item, we headed down to town in his new sweet. both of us gushing to one another about the greatness of the car, both of us feeling ecstatic and euphoric. and more importantly, he was really glad i was so surprised and his planned had worked. continued our gushing at Canele and walked around ion.
wow. i know it sounds ridiculous that i'm actually narrating all these down but i'm really ecstatic over the car. because that silly cow actually bothered to listen to me and bought the one i had wanted (i might as well have it but we both decided that it's best that he gets the car and he drives me around. which i promise you, i'm perfectly fine with that arrangement)
but yeah! ok excitingggggggggg!
photos sooonnn when we go out to take a photoshoot of the CAR!
Labels: bff, car, work
Magical pen of thoughts @ 8:58 PM
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My holiday has so far been a rather great one. i only did paper work on my macbook and the rest of the time i'm just...bumming around. when was the last time i could actually bummed around? i'm sooo gonna miss this bumming around when school starts.
Last weekend saw me and M at esplanade after dinner at Marina Sqaure. M has been raving mad about Max Brenner ever since he returned from Melbourne. When i met up with his cousin from melbourne, Darren, he was also screaming to try out Max Brenner. So finally, both of us went down and parked at the disgustingly expensive parking lot at Esplanade and headed down to Max. It was soooo packed! i can't believe it. the line was damn long and we only managed to get in after half an hour of waiting.
Photos are not all that fantastic because the camera's with the sister in Hail Hitler Germany, so i had to make do with my pathetic 2Megapixel camera and a few other photos from other websites. but still...enjoy the photos! (:
Basically, Max brenner is about this bald guy in australia who started the chocolate culture. Apparently there's a wider selection of chocolates in Australia and also, apparently, cheaper! (:
Here's how the store looks like in Esplanade. It's at Level one, just opposite Harry's bar, next to The Cookie Museum and The Stock Pot.
The inside of the store. It's very nicely decorated although a little cramp.
Here's the Warm chocolate fondue. it smells wuuuunnnderful (:
Suckao. i have no clue what is it because i didn't get to try this
Chocolat! the mug looks unique and interesting. hugmug!
M and i tried the White Granite (Milk chocolate) and chocolate scouffle dessert. Which was more than enough. it was damn ultra filling and we felt so bloated after that.
yes. my pathetic phone camera. there's the drink and the dessert and a little bit of M.
after Max brenner, we completed the night with a nice little walk along the river, down to one fullerton to look at party goers trying to squeeze into Babyface. funny how babyface is still quite a hot clubbing place. for a minute i thought they were defunct.
so there you have it! Good food and good company and no work stress. that is what i call, life.
Labels: bff, food
Magical pen of thoughts @ 8:20 PM
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MY LIFE IS BACK IN ACTION!
can you believe? i've survived TEN WEEKS of INSANE life! i feel like a kid who has just finished exams and feel that liberation air blowing into my face. i'm SO gonna enjoy the 4 weeks of heaven before i'm dragged back to hell after that. Funny thing is, none of the teachers showed that exhilaration when with the girls. In the staffroom, everyone seemed to look happier, talk cheerfully and did a countdown when the last bell rang. haha. And i even managed to go out for a decent lunch with christie and gang to wheelock's cedele for proper edible food. shiok!
LIFE IS GOOD FROM NOW TILL 29th JUNE. muahaha. except that i still have to do bloody badminton duties.
damn.
ok i have to refrain from typing in capital letters but yeah. i'm sure you can sense the joy from the other side of the screen.
so anyway, managed to get
some life while i was busy over the last month. first up, it was steamboat with the nus people. i haven't seen half of them since we all graduated so it was very nice to see most of them a couple of weeks back. with it, we also celebrated por and wensi's birthday.
And craig being craig, just had to be funny everytime we meet.
Also, a few number of purchases.
Firstly, two new pairs of glasses so that i see even more clearly. and hopefully, most importantly, see who's been throwing arrows behind my back if any. haha
Then, my nike shoes.
This one has a slight tinge of purple which looks a little more special and different from the originally white one.
So along with it, i felt compelled to buy the Nike plus sensor.
and it tracks your run beautifully.
And then, my phone was also showing signs of retiring, so i decided to get the ruby red Nokie E63
which doesn't fall short of E71. I still take some time getting used to the qwerty keypad though i must say, the old keypad works better for me.
and what's life without movies?
Didn't quite enjoy startrek. It only comfort was that it was watched after a shit day of work and it was one way to destress. M also met a few of my colleagues cause all of us decided to watch Star trek together at Great world. except that i was sitting away from them. -grinz-
Wolverine was good! Hugh Jackman is seriously the sexiest man alive...he's hawwwt!
Angels and Demons was fantastic! it's so much way way way better than Da Vinci Code. watched this at Illuma, the new shopping mall at bugis. it was freeezzzzinnnggg. i had to spend the next one hour thawing outside.
Young Victoria was alright. didn't quite like it though emily blunt IS awesome.
And last night, at vivo, we watched
Love it! it's surprisingly good and kept me at the edge of the seat the whole show. must watch!
do you believe in a women's intuition?
M has a bad habit of not buckling up his belt when driving. sometimes, just like him, i don't buckle up in his car. I usually don't nag at him to buckle up though we both know the consequences if we ever have a random date with the traffic police. And last night, after Terminator, i decided to put on the seat belt because... i just had the feeling we'd hit a road block. So i told M to buckle up blah blah blah...of which he obediently did so. It was a smooth ride and suddenly, just as we were about 500m away from home...guess who appeared? A traffic police! and he stopped us to check if we had our belts on!
can you believe it? even M was surprised at the accuracy of my 6th sense.
talk about superiority of the sexes. ahem.
Labels: bff, food, friends, movie, shopping
Magical pen of thoughts @ 9:04 AM
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i'm sick.
It all started off with the Lee Chin violin concert which RGS made such a big fiasco over. All the teachers had to go home, change into something nice since SR Nathan was gonna be there. By the time the concert ended, i felt ultra drained and all my energy sucked. On Tuesday and wednesday, so many teachers started falling ill. I was sneezing and dying yesterday but tried to stay on till as late as i could since i had a meeting with boss. And finally after meeting was over, boss pleased me to go home. Was so ultra sick that all i wanted to do was to head to bed. Managed to speed home safely, changed and crashed.
By the time i got up, it was 8pm and i figured out that i should just get an MC from work today. M happened to text me to ask for dinner but all i wanted to do is to grab the mc and go back to sleep again. and sweet M decided to come down and surprise me at the clinic even though i told him i could manage.
so now i'm home...still feeling sleepy. so much for a long weekend. sigh.
anyway, damn the swine flu. now my trip to europe has to be put on hold or even cancel it. sheeeeet. i was so looking forward to going to see the lourve. damn.
Labels: bff, sick, work
Magical pen of thoughts @ 8:10 AM
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Signs that show that you're becoming a workaholic:
1) you're sick and you're on MC but you can't afford to not go to work
2) you're staying in office till later and later
3) you're going back to office on weekends
Hello again! i have no idea who still reads this but let's just keep it alive for awhile while i can. and yes...i think i'm slowly becoming a workaholic. sighhhh
Well, work has been work. it's still busy but i try to make time for myself and... work?
this week has been lots of work-related dinners. sometimes i feel obliged to for such dinners..it's like.. politically correct. it can be fun at times but it can also be quite tiring at times when it comes to entertaining.
so let's see... on thursday, the bio people headed down to this little forest at Diary Farm. apparently it was a cow shed back in the olden days and now that boss has found it, she had decided to change it into an environmental lab. and since one of the partners we're working with are from Wales had this predecessor called Wallace, we decided to call it WELL- Wallace Environmental learning lab. quite cool la huh. some Wales guys came down to singapore to check out the place then we headed down for dinner at Rail way mall after that.
Thai cuisine restaurant
The Wales people and some of the bio people
I guess the first thing i was attracted to was the dessert (:
yummmmmmyyyyy! the yellow cupcake is called Bart Simpson. haha so cute! i didn't get to taste any of them. and i didn't manage to take any shots of the food we ordered. as much as i love to take photos of food, i thin sometimes the situation doesn't allow for it. especially when we have guests for dinner. -___-
then on Friday, seow hwee came back from cambridge and we decided to go for tea at Canele. After finishing all our meetings with whoever we were meeting, we drove down to Raffles City. it's becoming one of the places i frequent wayyyy too much.
we ordered
Le Royale
Raspberry Cheesecake. erm...not really very nice. would advice against it. or rather...don't even order this.
a HUGE plate of vegge, egg and bread. ok it's got a nicer name just that i can't remember it.
another plate of bread egg and ham. hehe
Strawberry Crepes (: super huge portion. it's worth every cent you pay
the ladies (: the amazing thing: none of them are from the bio department. They're all english department.
Then there was the usual friday movie with mervyn.
Shinjuku incident. oh my god. i HATED it. yes yes it's good plot good effects but the effects were sooo good that it was damn gory and gross. totally didn't enjoy the show at all. i wanted to leave the theatre halfway but mervyn seemed quite engrossed in it that i didn't wanna spoil it. turned out that he was just as grossed out. the plot was pretty heavy too... we felt so brain dead and mentally exhausted after that.
Labels: bff, food, movie, work
Magical pen of thoughts @ 8:15 PM
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Finally, a weekend to myself. to myself meaning: no need to go back to office or to even think about work.
ok, i still had to reply one email from work.
and well...another week plan for lessons next week.
but hey hey hey! it's so much better than the past few weekends. but then again, i had a great time last weekend catching up with boons, carol, mark and jeanne! i'm really glad certain issues and misunderstandings have been cleared up and i feel so much happier after meeting up with jeanne. all's good! and it's such a great feeling to have to rebuild that relationship all over again. I lost some earlier this month but now i've rebuild old ones. i'm really thankful (:
this week was just as insane. time flew by which is a good thing. On thursday, the few of us decided to stay back to play badminton and go to the gym. And then i practically spent the rest of the week nursing major muscle aches. and of course, dealing with some difficult people in school. the thing is, the difficult people aren't the kids. but well...just some people.. the other people. you get what i mean.
So my weekend was spent spacing out. i didn't do much at all. i started watching all my movie trailers and playing with my ipod touch. and well ok... basically mourned over the fact that i have to be down at bloody tampines on monday for nationals. !@#@#$#$%#$%$!@
nonetheless, next week's exciting programs awaits me! besides tomorrow (at ulu tampines), tuesday's another 4hr course after school (which means i'll end work at 6.30pm), wednesday there's 2 meetings and then there's rock climbing! how cool is that! i haven't done that since sec sch days..and now i'm reliving the memories back at the same place i first did it. So far, thursday's free (fingers crossed) and friday i'm meeting the usual suspects for dinner! i honestly can't wait for that! i need to see all these people desperately and catch up. and of course, i'm sure craig will entertain us with his usual antics. hehe
nonetheless, on friday after work at 7.30pm, m came to pick me up and we went to watch another bimbo chic flick.
yessss! my favorite book of all times! when i first read the novel 5 years back, i thought they should come up with a film. and 5 years later, it's produced! Jeanne even asked me if i was gonna catch the film. haha. and thank goodness m's the kinda sort who doesn't mind watching dumb shows with me.
Shopaholic was hilarious! if you're in for a good laugh, some silly moves and very into fashion, you ought to catch this show. certain things she does kinda reminds me of myself..and i can sooo totally relate to that. hehe
ok! i'm off to enjoy the rest of my weekend or what's left of it.
Labels: bff, friends, movie, work
Magical pen of thoughts @ 8:45 AM
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